I'm addicted to the Biggest Loser lately. Right now I'm on season 8 and loving it :D

While Sam was talking to Vicky he said that it doesn't matter how much weight you loose if you don't get this (he pointed to his head) right. He's saying that if you can't figure out and correct what trips you up, what made you eat/allowed you to become the weight that you are, than that weight is coming back.

These guys have big problems. Like really big issues. Some of them I think are crap "I never put myself first" but the ones about family issues I totally believe. So I'm trying to figure out what my deal is.

I'm not unhappy with my life! In fact, I love every bit of it! Seriously, I'm not miserable, or hating myself, or wishing every thing would change. In fact, after my weight and debt and spiritual progress, I wouldn't change anything.

So how did I get this to this weight? I know that when I was younger it was hard not having my mom around and questioning why she didn't love me. I think my grandma saw how it hurt my sister and I and since she couldn't do much more than love us, I think she tried to comfort us with food. Which isn't too bad. I mean, I love food. And I wasn't too bad off. But I was chubby. I think getting picked on at school for it and also being the only black kid made me feel isolated. Food was a great way to feel happy again. And it's so yummy! I really packed on the lbs from age 10-14. Like seriously. It was really bad. Middle school wasn't too fun and finding my way was really really hard.

Somewhere around 16 I totally kicked it into high gear. I walked/jogged everyday after school and didn't over eat. I was definitely loosing weight and the compliments made me feel unreal! But, I also loved my life. Great family, my mom and I were getting really close, the friends I made at church loved and accepted me and made me feel really popular and fun to be around. I was getting straight As in school and besides not having a boyfriend, I was totally stoked, loving life. I mean sure, I wished I was the size of some of my friends but it didn't effect my life (especially because I knew that the relationship I wanted couldn't happen till I was 18 anyway). S'all good.

Well, now all of those things remain. With one amazing exception: Nathan. My husband. I have a loving, supportive, helping person with me everyday. Not only that, but he makes me feel totally sexy! Seriously, there is no doubt in my mind that Nathan does not love the way I look. That feels so good! I never thought a guy would accept me let alone like looking at me! Like the way I look! :D Great feeling. And it makes me really happy. I have friends at Akron too! Made all new ones and they're great and they like having me around too! Nate and I got 2 double date requests on Sunday. ; D

I don't want Nate to have to take care of me if my weight causes me issues in the future - but that's really far off. I still have to have kids and everything. So why make the change now?

1. I want to keep up with Nate. He runs and jumps and does so much, he's SO active. I don't want to hold him back. I want to even challenge him.
2. I wanna look good okay! Can't help it that's definitely a reason. ; )
3. I want to be the shout to Nate's voice. Everyone gives him such a hard time about his lifestyle but I see the difference it makes in his life. I think if people could see physical change, it would make all the difference and I could be that picture for us.
4. I would love to keep up with my friends. They're so strong and fast and good looking, I want that too ; D

So basically, it's not because I hate my life, but because I love it - and I want an even better one :)