Don't get me wrong. The focus of my break wasn't anti-primal, it was more just like adding nuts, sweet potatoes, and fruit. Thanksgiving break means I've had grain, but it's not something I'm going to buy so it'll be pretty in consistent.

The problem is that a few days after getting to have these things I'm kind of "meh" to it. I mean, I love getting to eat that way, but I'd RATHER do really well at CF, up my performance, feel good about how I look and feel. It's like I thought restricting myself was so sucky. Like I had all of these chains holding me back from the foods I wanted to eat and the feelings i wanted to have - the freedom. But now I'm seeing it more like the laid-back "free" way of eating that I want is the chain. Holding me back from the person and athlete I want to be. And eating this way is the path to getting there; CF is the vehicle that makes it faster and better.

I've been feeling kind of stupid for thinking I could compete in the Garage Games.

But I can't control that outcome. So instead of thinking about it, I'll give my workouts all I've got.

I've been trying to look up stories about athletes who could resonate with me: started out as a couch potato, but decided to go for it and succeeded. Something to inspire me the way Payson (Make It or Break It) is inspired by her reading. But . . . so far not so good. So I'll keep looking. but I'm also thinking I'm going to have to write my own inspirational story, with my life.

So basically, I want this life. I'm not sure about the details just yet, and I think that's ok. I want this to sink in, I want to pray and find the best way, God's way for me, that I should do to get there. But I'm wanting it. And I'm deciding the path to get there is worth it. I'm getting ready to tackle the 2nd half of my recovery. & I'm really happy about it.. :)